There is a Fate beyond us.

One of the things that the Lord has really been pressing upon me this past year is that he is in control of everything. I see this theme occurring in numerous facets of my life as well as in numerous Medias from movies to books to poetry, and it is also obviously preeminent throughout scripture. It is referred to as fate, destiny, or “It is written” (Slumdog Millionaire, Autobiography of Malcolm X). Especially this year I have really felt that unseen hand moving me somewhere. This can at times be an encouraging thought, but at times it can be a very frustrating thought. There are things in my life that I cannot control and I think that this past year has been a real learning experience in dealing with this. My poem “The Tide” is a result of my reflections on God’s providence in my life.
One thing that continues to become brutally apparent to me is that we are not ultimately in control of our lives. We absolutely make real decisions which really determine the courses of our lives, but our lives are filled with so much that is out of our control. This year I have been very frustrated by a feeling of constraint. There are events in our lives which cannot be stopped nor controlled and when I find myself in them I feel as though I have three basic responses to choose from. I can attempt to take control of the situation, to do everything in my power to obtain the result that I desire, and when this succeeds I praise myself, and when this method fails I cry out in frustration that the world is not fair. Another option is to resign to the fact that things are out of my control and that sometimes life is great and sometimes life sucks; I just need to not allow myself to not get too high or too low. (Kierkegaard would refer to this person as the “Knight of Resignation”). The third response would be that of the “Knight of Faith”, and the response which I desire. Which is giving the control of your life over to God and then living life with anticipation and expectations for the Lord’s blessings; enjoying them exceedingly when he gives them, but remaining strong in faith even when he withholds them, knowing that he ultimately knows best. This does not mean living without emotion. My typical response is one of the first two.
One simple verse that jumped out to me this past week is Joshua 3:5. This is spoken the day before the Israelites were to cross the Jordan River and enter the Promised Land. This is how I desire to live my life as the knight of faith preparing myself for the wonders that the Lord will do.

Then Joshua said to the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you.”

Back to my poem… The tide, the ocean, and the waves represent the things in life that are just out of our control (other people’s opinions of us, our past, our failures, our weaknesses, our families etc….). These forces can seem to constrain us (the father and son can only take their fishing boat out to sea at high tide) and like the tide these forces do not always happen at a set time or an expected time (but they surely will happen). The son and the father respond in two different ways. The son gets frustrated with the waiting for the ocean and the waiting for the tide. He wishes that he could just go at his own pace and go fishing when he wants to. Meanwhile the father understands and even seems to appreciate that most things are out of his control (the tide, the ocean, the fish etc…) and is able to almost enjoy the daily struggle. Sometimes I feel like I’m pushing my boat out to sea at what seems like high tide but the waves keep beating me back. In these instances just as the father had perseverance and patience to continue pushing the boat out even though he kept getting pushed back, I need to have the patience and the perseverance to “keep pushing the boat out” even when I’m not making progress. The Lord has planned it all and he will bring me through it, but on his time, not mine.